As you may have guessed, I am indeed in Portland. I heard the title, “Portlandia” thrown around sometime ago–I think it’s about the other Portland (Oregon) and it’s a TV show or something. Haven’t watched it.
School so far has been great! Right now, I’m not thinking about eminent loans, but instead ideas and processes that I want to develop in the next couple of weeks. We’ve already had a great guest lecturer, and tomorrow, we’re having Allan McCollum.
I’m really excited to hear about his work. I know that visiting artists critique our own work, but honestly I haven’t had any time to even start anything since I arrived, so hopefully that doesn’t happen this week.
One of the projects I started while in Missouri, and ended upon my arrival to Portland is a series of hand drawn paste ups that I’ve left all over my journey. I’ve been detailing the turmoil and fear I had about being here, living, loans, being alone–the whole stifling, emotional ride I’ve been orchestrating. I put all of these feelings into words and drawings and left them in places that I stopped at throughout my trip. Here are a few images of some I managed to take (some I couldn’t):
“I Will Miss You More”
I also want to apologize for all of these shitty images. The pieces were still drying for one, I needed to act stealthy, and some of these were taken at night/dusk.
“I Can’t Wait To Breathe Again”
“Do I Belong”
These drawings detail the effect of the stress and looming presence of the future, questioning my past and present decisions, and the fear of failure and loneliness. I felt like I was trapped by so many choices, drowning in my future, washing away and losing hair. I physically felt like I am/was losing hair. In all of these drawings, which I call “Creak” drawings, my hair becomes a watery environment, where I lose myself and the inhibitions that are holding me back from this delicate and life changing present. Each time I drew out my emotions I felt better. And each time I pasted them up on a wall, I felt less alone. Making this 1400 mile trip alone to MECA was a process, a labor in itself and my lonely nights drawing these helped alleviate my stress. I named them “Creak” drawings, as a tie to the physical body of water—creek—with water being so important to my imagery, and to elude to the scariest noise you could hear, when you’re alone and you don’t want to be–“Creeeeeeeeaaaaaak”.
There are two more drawings. One in Springfield, Massachusetts. The other, I never hung up. It was to be the final piece and I was going to paste it upon my arrival to Maine, but then I saw a Swoon up not even a block away from my school and felt embarrassed by my work. Maybe I will put it up. But how can I even compare to this (though, I know I shouldn’t compare my work):
God, I love her pieces so much.
I have some ideas working around some three-dimensional projects, which I will post up later.
Portland in itself has been pretty wonderful so far. However, I am without a doubt, allergic to all of Maine. I can’t breathe here. Today it rained, and I was finally able to inhale fully but not deeply. It’s frustrating. I’ve never felt so immobilized and sick. At one point, I had 4 nosebleeds between 3 days. Otherwise, the food has been good, the people have been nice, my classmates are friendly, and I’m so tuckered out by the end of the day, I wake up and don’t know where I am in the morning.